The Car Seat Analogy
“Oleta and Me” Oil on wood, 12x24”
One of the most persistent challenges of being a mother to young children and a full-time artist is finding a guilt-free way to make space for my art.
I’m incredibly fortunate to have my husband at home with me during the day, but even still, having two kids under seven and a studio in my backyard makes it tough to compartmentalize my work. Being my own boss affords me the luxury of working as much or as little as I want, but… I do have to work and that coming at the expense of time with my kids is especially tough when they’re right there. I’m sure a lot of work from home parents can relate.
I’m always wrestling with that mom guilt to some degree, but I’ve come up with an analogy that helps lessen the blow: setting boundaries around parenting and my art practice is similar to buckling the kids into their car seats.
Now, I don’t want you to think that I tie my kids down so I can work, but what I mean is that both of my kids have had phases (my two-year-old is still in this phase tbh) where the car seat was their sworn enemy. The lack of freedom, the uncomfortableness of the seat, boredom— my kids have each protested their seating arrangements as if they were on fire at times.
Of course, my six year old son is well out of this phase but a long car ride this summer with my daughter screaming most of the way made my husband and I swear to each other that it was our last road trip for awhile. The whole time she was just repeating some version of “out” and despite desperately wanting her to stop, I never for a second thought about unbuckling her while we were driving.
That commitment to well-being in the face of endless complaining, an obvious choice for any parent, is exactly how I set boundaries for my kids around mom’s art practice. It’s never easy when a sweet face child comes to your door with a need during the day, but I know if I relent to their every concern I’ll never have time to paint and my career will suffer. Framing it as a decision that’s ultimately in the best interest of the child— just like in the car— has helped me see that I’m not choosing painting over my kids, but instead I’m prioritizing their long term security over a short term concern.
I experience a plethora of emotions in the midst of a car seat meltdown— frustration, dread, anger, sadness, the whole thing— but what I never feel is guilt because I know that there’s no alternative to a car seat when safety is the most important thing. Your art practice may not seem like an activity on the magnitude of car safety, and truthfully it’s not, but if you’re a parent and you have the desire to make art a bigger priority (or a career), avoiding the guilt of doing so amid kids running around is crucial.
So the next time you feel that guilt creeping in, just think about a car seat. It may be an object of contention for your little ones, but it’s necessary nonetheless.